Wednesday, 13 January 2016

When Classes Begin

I haven't really known what to post about. Life is a little dull at the moment. I've been home from school for a few weeks, and go back next week when classes begin. I've done very little over the break besides rest, and even then I just don't feel rested. Somehow, everything recently is an effort.
I don't feel particularly bad, yet I don't feel good either. I'd be quite satisfied to have another week to lie around and do nothing, but I realize I'm truly pushing my limits on 'rest.'

In October I developed a nasty cough that would last well into November. The end of November and most of December was very stressful, and I had a significant increase in pain and fatigue. No doubt, my body is begging for a rest. Yet, I don't seem to be giving it the rest it craves. Recently, I've experienced a lot of vertigo, headaches and other odd symptoms that make it clear that I am not 100% yet. The doctor explained those symptoms are from inner ear inflammation, probably from a viral illness. Though I don't recall having a recent onset of a viral illness, I'm willing to bet whatever caused my cough lingered for a long time.

Honestly, I just wish I had energy. I feel sick and tired, but at this point I've felt sick and tired for so long it seems normal and I just have to push on feeling this way. I'm even beginning to nap during the day- something I've never done unless I was very ill. I use to love long walks and trips to the store with my mum, but now I just want to sit in the car and wait for mum to do the shopping. Sometimes I envy babies who enjoy shopping trips from their strollers- I want to enjoy the change of scenery from the comfort of my seat.

Last semester, I isolated myself when walking became increasingly exhausting and painful. And I have my fears about going back to classes. This semester, most of my fears stem from not having the energy to get my work done. I also fear that the vertigo will not go away by the time I need it to- my major requires me to build product prototypes, and I'm afraid I will experience sudden vertigo while using construction tools such as a band saw. I nearly fell over last night brushing my teeth, and I'm picturing the same scenario but with a drill in my hand. But also, I fear feeling isolated again.

Classes are supposed to be a joy- it's there that I learn what I love and get to be with my friends. But lately, I just wonder how exhausted I will be at the end of it. Especially considering I'm still exhausted from last semester.



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