Thursday, 24 April 2014

Fast Forward Fears

I try to stay very active in the community of fellow autoimmune disease owners. I'm actually part of a group on Facebook (My Immune System Hates Me) for young people who own autoimmune diseases. I really love being a part of it: Even though I'm not very active on it, I've really gotten to know everyone and I really care about them. My heart breaks for them, too. As just the other day, my heart was torn in two for one. Though I won't say who for privacy reasons, this person talked about graduating university just the previous year with hopes of going on to a bright future. However, she is now struggling a lot with her health and it's so hard for her to get by day to day.

It's amazing how fast your life can flip. Scratch that, it's scary how fast your life can flip. Especially when you're only so young. Life doesn't get to be put on pause until you can feel better- time keeps ticking and dreams collect dust. I think it's funny how our brains aren't truly developed until age 25, but we are forced to make very important decisions that affect the direction of our life as early as age 12! Around the time you turn 16, all of a sudden your life is out on fast forward- and from then on, there's no going back. I admit it's a very exciting time but it's so exhausting. Fatigue has cost me a fair few opportunities I will never get again. It cost me grades that could've been perfect but are now above average (I know, big difference). It cost me friends and holidays and lots of sleep as I worry what's going to happen next.

But as much as it breaks my heart to hear about what others have lost and as much as it stresses me to think of all the potiental loss I may face in the future, I find comfort in knowing someone else understands. It sounds horrible, but it's true. There is comfort in not being alone in your situation, it your fears and in your hopes. I don't have advice for this situation- it seems to be a no win most of the time. Sometimes to make it you're going to burn yourself out. I don't encourage you to, I'm just saying it happens. Sometimes you're not going to make it. Don't feel that's the end of everything: When you've hit your lowest point the only way you can go is up. But know that in whatever happens, there is someone who cares, who's heart breaks at your lows and who rejoices in your highs.

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