Monday, 9 December 2013

I'm Such a Jerk

As we get older and our situations change, our groups of friends tend to change a lot. Before I was diagnosed with arthritis, I had a close group of friends. After I began treatment after diagnosis, I lost them. We were young and I don't think they could really handle having a sick friend at that point: I understand, I stopped being mad a few years ago after I realised that. I think chronic illness reasons for lost friendships are the easiest to understand but also the hardest wounds to heal.

Awhile ago,  I had some friendships end. To sum it up, I was told repeatedly that "I'm such a jerk," and that these friends are "so much better [people] than [me]." They meant it. I know them well enough to know they meant it. I'm going to leave it at that: I don't want to be too much more of a jerk.

I tried to think of all the things I've said that could be hurtful, but I really couldn't think of anything. I consulted a few friends to ask if I'm hurtful or if the way I talk could be taken the wrong way but I was reassured I'm not at all, and that whoever said I was is completely wrong. I didn't believe it at first. It wasn't until I cheered up another friend in my class later that day and was called a jerk by the same group earlier. I couldn't do this anymore, and I had to make my mind up now on what to do.

I had to make a choice. I could either fight back, or walk away. The situation stressed and tensed me too much to ignore it anymore.

I walked away. Okay, theoretically I did but I couldn't: I had a graphic design class. But I walked away from those people. I walked away because the strength I have is to battle arthritis. I walked away because I would rather have friends who called me nice than those who put me down. It was easy to walk away from the negative because I had so much positivity to go to.

Even the smallest removal of negativity from one's life can make a big difference.  Everything has been much better for me lately. I have a lot of positive people surrounding me and have been thriving in school and work. I've gotten the opportunity to help out in a few projects and your groups. Physically I've done well (except for recently). I've been much more confident too. A lot of good comes out of reducing the negativity in our lives. I encourage you to try and do the same. My only regret is not doing so sooner.

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