Monday, 9 April 2012

Methotrexate Truth and Reality

They all say its the easy fix. Methotrexate, they claim, is a little miracle and all it takes is some little pills, a little liquid or an injection once a week. That's all, and there shouldn't be any side effects and if there are, we'll take care of it with this little pill. They coax you to take it and claim any side effect is all in your mind. But it's much more difficult than that, I promise you.It has side effects!

I take about 20.0 mg of this wonderful drug once a week. It's not a lot compared to the amount others take, and though I try and tough it out, today I simply cannot. I can't tell you which day will be my Methotrexate day: Some days I just can't handle taking it. It's an extreme battle for me to take it. I use a clear capsule to put all seven of the small tablets in. My mum does this for me because I can't handle the smell of it. When I actually take it, it's not the simple fact of swallow with a little water. It's choke it down or coax it down. I've tried to lure myself into eating it using apple sauce and Vanilla ice cream. I turned myself off of those for weeks and though I do like applesauce again, vanilla ice cream still makes me sick. I also hate drinking water, some juices, orangeade (orange soda) or Coke-A-Cola from a bottle. It's not that the Coke is gross, it's that from the moment I open the pill bottle, I get so nauseous. My stomach feels disgusted. I've vomited it so many times it's not even funny. It's violent too, often my whole body goes tense and I lose anything I've eaten in the hours before. Yes, it's gross. And it's true.

I've tried everything. Taking the medicines My rheumatologist gives me doesn't help. I've used relaxation videos and recordings, soaking in a warm bath, taking them two at a time and more.

If this horror of simply taking it does not convince you, please let me continue on. I get nausea for two days after, throwing up everything. Another side effect is severe bruising: I find them on my wrist from drawing with my hand pressed against the table. And if that's not enough, I've lost so much hair from it. My hair, thankfully, is so thick so it's not noticeable. But it's noticeable to me when it looks like Chewbacca has gone on parade in my house.

To top it all off, the doctor tells you it's all in your head. Yes, it is. I know it is. But I'm having a hard time convincing my body MTX is not bad. I could take the injections, but it's just too hard to. I used to take it that way and I'd have a nurse at a doctor's office inject it for me. I could have learnt to do it myself, but I took a MTX break and it has just been out of the question for me to take it like that again. Mostly since the smell of the rubbing alcohol drove me insane.

In conclusion, Methotrexate is a very good drug and helps me a lot. But never let anyone tell you 'its just a pill.' It's a commitment.

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